Missy on Sunday: He Had To Go

Written by Missy Price

Sunday, 15 November 2009 02:49

Welcome back darlings. I hope you didn’t miss me too much last week but I was off for Remembrance Sunday. It’s very important to pay tribute to all those who fought and died for our freedom and so it was decided that I should have the week off.

I’m sure our PM wished he had taken this week off too. My Butler, well ex-butler but we’ll come to that later, informs me he’s been in a bit of bother. He wrote a letter and his hand writing was appalling and he misspelt a name. Well dears aren’t all men’s hand writing awful? I know mine are and cook’s showed me a letter from the milkman the other day, claiming we hadn’t paid the bill for five years which is utter rubbish, and well I could barely make it out. But at least the PM wrote the letter and didn’t get some secretary to type it out, a hand-written letter is far more personal don’t you think? Anyway darlings he misspelt a name and so some trashy tabloid pounced on it and seized the opportunity to stick the knife in some more. Only they too made a mistake...yes they misspelt the surname too on their online discussion thingy. So The Sun it’s a case of pot, kettle...black isn’t it you rampant Tory twits.

Anyway as you may have gathered we lost another butler. I stacked him yesterday after catching him watching....watching...Commercial Television! Oh I can hardly bring myself to say such disgusting words. They leave such a nasty taste in one’s mouth. He was watching The X-Factor and well darlings if I wanted to watch Simon Cowell grow richer by the minute I’d sit outside his house all day like some deranged stalker. As it is I’m quite content to watch BBC One or read a good book. I’m more of a Strictly girl though since Arlene went it’s just not the same. So now I’m a butler down and the maid, Millie, has to type this up for me. We are looking for a new butler but these things take time and trying to find a decent butler is like trying to find an honest chav.

Now I should take the opportunity, and time, to thank everyone who emailed in with their suggestions for a new name. As you know I was horrified to find out that Missy On Sunday when shortened to MOS made my column look like the Mail On Sunday and that will never, ever do. So I asked you all to come up with a new name for me. Lots of you suggested MOT [Missy on Tuesday or Thursday] while some liked MOW [Missy at the Weekend or Missy on Wednesday], I’ve passed on all the suggestions to the lovely chaps at ATV Towers and when I return in the new year for another season I’ll have a brand new name.

I’ll be back next week for my last column of the year but after that Harriet the Harlot will be stepping in for a few weeks before dear old Queenie and cheap trashy Vivian return. So if you want to me or Harriet to give you some friendly advice on anything and everything just email us by clicking here >>

Dear Missy, last week I wrote to you about the best way to avoid sex with the husband. You suggested separate rooms. I’d just like to thank you for your advice, it worked like a charm.

Well dear that’s very nice to know and thank you for taking the time to write in and thank me. Not many people know the words thank you these days but clearly you do

Dear Missy, do you have a good recipe for quiche?

Well I don’t personally because I don’t actually cook. But I got Millie to search the inter-web for you and she found this wonderful recipe from Waitrose. To view it dear just click here >>

Dear Missy, how will you be voting at the next general election? I can’t make my mind up.

Well it’s a tough decision isn’t it because they are all mostly the same? I can tell you however, how I WON’T be voting. I WON’T be voting for the Tories, UKIP or BNP. I rather like the colour green so I may vote for the Greens but then again I do like yellow so the Lib Dems may yet get my vote. Or I may play the sympathy vote and give Labour my one. You can’t help feel sorry for a dog when it’s down...unless it’s Vivian or Cherie Blair.

To Missy, do you watch Last of the Summer Wine?

No. I’m not quite old enough to watch it. Millie tells me you have to be way over the hill to qualify to watch it and I might be half way up the hill but I’m certainly not over it...just yet.

Well that’s all I’ve got time for this week. Many thanks to everyone who emailed in and apologies if you’re letter do not feature. It may do next week or Harriet might pick it up. If you wish to view my last issue just click here >>

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